The Case Against Corn: Someone Needs To Stand Up For What’s Right

There comes a time in one’s life where they have to take a stand for what they believe in, no matter what others think. For that reason, I think it’s time that I come out of the closet and say that I hate corn.

Corn is gross. It’s not good for the body and it’s against God’s will. Every time I see someone eating corn, even though it does not affect me, it sickens me to the core. Disgusting. Eeew! Nasty. I think corn should be outlawed. Sure, many Americans enjoy eating it, but watching others eat corn (even knowing that they eat corn behind closed doors, in the comfort of their homes) is a threat against nutritional values and my delicate moral fiber. Sure, corn has a little benefit and it makes people happy but what do I care about the happiness of others? Newsflash: I don’t. Just because something makes a group of people happy doesn’t mean that they should be allowed to have it.

There are many reasons why corn is bad for you, apart from it being one of the most vile, repulsive foods on the planet. The human body cannot digest the bran in corn therefore it comes right back out when you eliminate on the toilet. SICK. Who wants to see corn in their poop? That is so gross. I sure don’t. Corn is also high in starch, carbohydrates, and sugar which all lead to a whole slew of health related issues in the body. Why would you want to subject yourself to that?

Not only is the consumption of corn unhealthy and unnatural for human beings, but subjecting others to your corn eating is offensive and immoral. Eating corn is an abomination of God. Here’s proof:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

If our bodies are to be the temple of the Holy Spirit, why would we want to fill them with such a vile, disgusting, unhealthy food such as corn? You don’t own your body, God does, therefore you be careful what you put in it. Our bodies cannot digest corn, what would God think of that?

Philippians 3:19

Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things.

Corn comes from the Earth. When you eat it, whenever you think about eating it, your mind is set on earthly things. It’s a slippery slope. If we let people eat corn, next they’ll be eating rocks and cardboard. What’s next, cannibalism? We cannot, nay we will not, let this happen. This behavior must be stopped.

Candy corn dressed as corn on the cob?! FOUL! Sure it’s a banana and candy but the mere fact that parents find this acceptable is not okay. The proof is in the pudding, folks, corn loving parents raise corn loving children and that is a scientific fact.

You may try to tell me that people are born being corn lovers but I don’t believe you. I think loving corn is a choice and it’s the wrong choice. It needs to end. Today. For the sake of future generations.

I realize that corn eating exists in other species but that doesn’t make it right for human consumption. I mean, come on, really.

Some of my best friends are corn lovers and, while I love them, I will pray for their eternal salvation.