Hello, my name is _________ and I am a serial participant in one-sided relationships.
Sound familiar? Today I want to talk about the messages you send through your relationships with others. Albert Einstein once said, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. That’s why it makes sense that you feel like an insane person when you constantly put forth the effort in relationships only to be met with a brick wall. I’m sure we’ve all been involved in a one-sided relationship at some point in our lives…but what are you saying to others when they see you in a relationship that isn’t mutually beneficial?
What does that say about what you value in relationships?
It’s great to value others but you have to also value yourself. You have to find yourself worthy enough to be involved in healthy, loving, mutually beneficial relationships. My daughter and I frequently listen to Kids Place Live on the satellite radio while we’re in the car and there’s a song (it’s silly) from Segret Agent 23 Skidoo that sums up what I want to say:
I’ve been so guilty of being the one who always puts myself out there in relationships to the point where I look like an asshole calling, emailing, and trying so hard all the time. You would think I would get the hint, right? The thing is that I don’t. For the longest time I continued in these relationships looking (and feeling) pathetic. There have been a few times where I’ve deleted phone numbers out of my phone because I know that’s the only way I can stop myself from trying to continue the relationship. The few times I’ve done it I’ve thought, “so-and-so will call me when they want to talk”. Guess what? Those people never called. Why? Because they were never interested in having a relationship with me in the first place, which is fine.
What message do I want to send?
What does that say about what I value?
I’m at the point in my life where my relationships with people I love (and who love me back) mean more to me than anything else. I value the time I spend with family and friends and I wouldn’t trade it in for the world. I’m also at the point in my life where I realize that I don’t have to be friends with everyone and I accept that sometimes people don’t want to be friends with me.
“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” -Bob Marley