Last week, I posted my first ever Friday Fictioneers story. If you’re unfamiliar, FF is a group of bloggers who come together once a week to share short stories. Led by a local (to me) author Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, FF are given a photo prompt and are challenged to write a 100 word (give or take) story inspired by the picture. You can find more information here. Below is my story for this week…
Photo Copyright: Lora Mitchell
“Gone”
She awoke suddenly in the middle of the night, beads of sweat falling from her chest. An unexpected power outage had left the entire area with little reprieve from the blistering heat.
Boom, Pop, Crack
She ran outside. The sight of fireworks across the water, normally a celebratory sight, offered little comfort. “There is something unsettling about loud sounds in the middle of the night,” she thought. She went back inside, uncomfortable, prepared for a restless night’s sleep.
The bright morning sun glistened through the window. The sound of birds chirping was a beautiful melody. Still no power.
Waves from an incoming boat crashed against the dock. An unexpected visitor. The man was frantic, “They’re gone,” he said.
“Who?” she asked.
“Everyone.”
It's An Ordinary Blog 
Excellent post. Very enjoyable. Writing and blogging is something that I enjoy very much.
Great blog you have here. I’ll be sure to let others know about it for sure.
Have a great day.
Thanks, EW! Good luck with getting your blog set up (took a quick peak at your page before bed last night).
Thanks for visiting. Stop by anytime you feel. I just launched my site last year and it’s already successful.
People find the resources very useful.
Fantastic ending – you left me really wanting to find out more – who’s gone? Everyone? Where? My only other comment is whether this line: ‘Waves from an incoming boat crash against the dock’ should be in the past tense since the rest of the piece is.
Thanks, Claire!
Sounds like everyone left in a flash. Ominous ending.
Did they leave? Was it a choice?
Intriguing. A real hook. Nicely done.
Thank you, Sandra!
At least there was both a man and a woman in case they have to restart the human race. 🙂
“The man was frantic, “they’re gone,” he said.” If you leave it this way, capitalize the “t” of “they’re”. I think you could just say “The man was frantic. ‘They’re gone!’ ” Gives you a few more words to play with as well.
I, too, find loud noises in the middle of the night unsettling, especially when they wake me from a dream.
Thanks for the comment, Sustain! I’ve never been a fan of loud noises in the middle of the night. In our area, people set off fireworks the few weeks before and after Independence day and also on New Years. Even though I know what it is, hearing them at midnight still bothers me.
Since we live near a small college, every so often I’ll wake to students walking down the street in the middle of the night talking at the tops of their voices. Extremely annoying, especially as I don’t always fall asleep again easily.
When we had our first foster dog, the fireworks on the Fourth petrified her. It was so sad.
janet
a little hitch for me with beads of sweat falling from her chest. I’m thinking running down, trickling maybe, not sure, just pictured her in some odd configuration in bed. Maybe I’m over thinking it, but it stopped me in the sentence. I really liked the tension you invoked. Nice job.
Thanks for the feedback, TW. 🙂
Oh, I didn’t expect that ending. Things are not as always as they seem I guess. Well done!
They really aren’t…thanks for the feedback. 🙂
Was that the rapture? Announced by fireworks? I guess 2012 got us after all!
If it was the rapture, that would stink to be left behind.
I liked this!
Thank you! Glad you stopped by!
love the drama at the end. well done. question though. this sentence – There is something unsettling about loud sounds in the middle of the night. it breaks the narration. it’s like the narrator is telling us the story but then turns aside for a present-tense comment. think about changing it, but of course – it’s your story, not mine.
You’re absolutely right, Rich, and thanks for point it out because I didn’t think about that. I changed it to a thought, you’ll have to let me know what you think about the revision. Thanks for the input! 🙂
very happy to help. for me – that’s what this is all about.
dying to know what happened to them.. great post! 🙂
Thanks KZ! Maybe someday we’ll find out in another FF post!
Well done! Welcome to the FF gang. Mine is over here: http://oldentimes.wordpress.com/2013/01/04/friday-fictioneers-its-a-new-year/
Thanks OT, I’ll have to check your post out!
Very nice. Makes me want to read the next parts.