Friday Fictioneers (Mystery): “Gone”

Last week, I posted my first ever Friday Fictioneers story. If you’re unfamiliar, FF is a group of bloggers who come together once a week to share short stories. Led by a local (to me) author Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, FF are given a photo prompt and are challenged to write a 100 word (give or take) story inspired by the picture. You can find more information here. Below is my story for this week…

Lora Mitchell Photo

Photo Copyright: Lora Mitchell

“Gone”

She awoke suddenly in the middle of the night, beads of sweat falling from her chest. An unexpected power outage had left the entire area with little reprieve from the blistering heat.

Boom, Pop, Crack

She ran outside. The sight of fireworks across the water, normally a celebratory sight, offered little comfort. “There is something unsettling about loud sounds in the middle of the night,” she thought. She went back inside, uncomfortable, prepared for a restless night’s sleep.

The bright morning sun glistened through the window. The sound of birds chirping was a beautiful melody. Still no power.

Waves from an incoming boat crashed against the dock. An unexpected visitor. The man was frantic, “They’re gone,” he said.

“Who?” she asked.

“Everyone.”

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29 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers (Mystery): “Gone”

  1. Easy Lifestyles says:

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  2. claireful says:

    Fantastic ending – you left me really wanting to find out more – who’s gone? Everyone? Where? My only other comment is whether this line: ‘Waves from an incoming boat crash against the dock’ should be in the past tense since the rest of the piece is.

  3. sustainabilitea says:

    At least there was both a man and a woman in case they have to restart the human race. 🙂

    “The man was frantic, “they’re gone,” he said.” If you leave it this way, capitalize the “t” of “they’re”. I think you could just say “The man was frantic. ‘They’re gone!’ ” Gives you a few more words to play with as well.

    I, too, find loud noises in the middle of the night unsettling, especially when they wake me from a dream.

    • Just Me says:

      Thanks for the comment, Sustain! I’ve never been a fan of loud noises in the middle of the night. In our area, people set off fireworks the few weeks before and after Independence day and also on New Years. Even though I know what it is, hearing them at midnight still bothers me.

      • sustainabilitea says:

        Since we live near a small college, every so often I’ll wake to students walking down the street in the middle of the night talking at the tops of their voices. Extremely annoying, especially as I don’t always fall asleep again easily.

        When we had our first foster dog, the fireworks on the Fourth petrified her. It was so sad.

        janet

  4. train-whistle says:

    a little hitch for me with beads of sweat falling from her chest. I’m thinking running down, trickling maybe, not sure, just pictured her in some odd configuration in bed. Maybe I’m over thinking it, but it stopped me in the sentence. I really liked the tension you invoked. Nice job.

  5. rich says:

    love the drama at the end. well done. question though. this sentence – There is something unsettling about loud sounds in the middle of the night. it breaks the narration. it’s like the narrator is telling us the story but then turns aside for a present-tense comment. think about changing it, but of course – it’s your story, not mine.

    • Just Me says:

      You’re absolutely right, Rich, and thanks for point it out because I didn’t think about that. I changed it to a thought, you’ll have to let me know what you think about the revision. Thanks for the input! 🙂

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