Let’s Talk About The Moment…

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Hello, friends.

If you’ve been following along with me for a while, you’ve probably caught onto the fact that it’s pretty rare for me to share emotional, intimate posts. It’s not because I don’t love you all (because I do “awwww!“), I’ve just never felt entirely comfortable opening up to strangers on the interwebz (it’s a miracle I even have a blog, seriously). Something happened to me on Monday and it wasn’t pleasant. I had, what some might call, a moment.

I had a moment and I think it’s important to understand what’s been leading up to it…

My three year old is amazing. She’s funny, smart, quick, and loving but she’s also a human toddler which, by definition, also makes her a bit of an asshole at times. She’s been testing her boundaries a lot lately and I try to remain as patient as possible as she learns how to navigate through this big World but sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes I lose my shit cool and I find myself YELLING at a helpless little child who doesn’t really deserve my harsh tone.

I imagine, in those times, I look a little something like this:

ursula-little-mermaid-disney-villains-1024509_720_480

Poor Unfortunate Souls

It’s not my child’s fault that I yell. It’s her job to learn, to grow, and to challenge me. It’s my job, as a mother, to love her unconditionally and help her grow, learn, and interact with other people. In those moments, where the inner sea witch in me is hurling her ugly face out of the water, I am the worst and those feelings of inadequacy come creeping back in. In those moments, I feel like the worst, most unfit mother to my daughter. Those kinds of feelings eat you alive.

We’ve had some challenging mornings lately where I’ve raised my voice more than I care to admit and so I was already feeling pretty down about my parenting abilities. On Monday evening when I started thinking about all of the ways in which I’m failing as a mom, life hit me like a ton of bricks. I just can’t do anything right.

I can pinpoint the exact moment that the overwhelming negativity invaded my mind. I was sitting at the dinner table and all of the sudden, the darkness settled in and all of the things that I’ve done wrong in my role as a mother, as a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a writer, and a consultant hit me. In that moment, I felt pretty shitty.

So I had a come to Jesus talk with myself over a very long and tearful shower and I went over my choices:

  • Run away. 
  • Ignore my problems.
  • Deal with it and try to be better.

I realized that the only option I have is to deal with the issues (the yelling, the feelings of inadequacy, the shortcomings in my personal and professional life, etc) head on. I’m an adult so maybe it’s time for me to put on my big girl panties and face it. In the days that have passed, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting and I’ve come to one conclusion:

The-only-person-you-should-try-to-be-better-than-is-the-person-you-were-yesterday

I’m going to have days where I feel like the biggest jackass that’s ever walked the Planet. I’m going to have moments where I raise my voice when I need to remain calm (I am human, after all). I’m going to have times when I don’t knock off every item on my to-do list for the day and I need to be okay with that. I need to step back and realize that I am not competing against the mother of the year, the perfect spouse, or the ideal _____ (fill in the blank). I am competing against myself. Every day.

In those moments, like the one I had on Monday, I need to remind myself that I can’t change the past but I can always strive to be better in the future. Who knows, maybe you need that reminder too…

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16 thoughts on “Let’s Talk About The Moment…

  1. ourlittlerock says:

    I can totally relate to this post. I am also the mother of a “threenager” they are designed to test us lol. We are only human and have to take the good with the not so good, just like we do with our kids. My attitude is that everyday is a fresh start and a chance to rock being a mum.

  2. Alisha Hodges says:

    I’ve definitely had those moments where I feel like a bad mother and reflect on everything I’ve done wrong. My daughter will be two in a few weeks, so she’s at that stage where she purposely tests me. I agree that the only thing we can do about it is try to be better. I’ve noticed she responds better to positivity than negativity anyway, so that’s how I usually try to get her to stop doing things that she’s doing, and it usually works.

  3. Kungphoo says:

    Sometimes its hard to contain yourself.. and it some instances its learned from our parents.. Wait until they start to yell back at you.. then the games really begin.

  4. Kathryn says:

    I too can sometimes be reactionary. I think the best thing that I can teach my kiddos after the fact is how to apologize, accept forgiveness and move forward. I have had to model apologizing a lot in my parenting days. It is very humbling. Thankfully I am growing.

  5. agatapokutycka says:

    I get it. It is not easy at times.
    Just remember you are not alone. We all have moments of weakness and feel like we are loosing it.
    Just pick yourself up and carry on.. nothing else to do.
    Good Luck on keeping cool.

  6. Amy Honious says:

    We have ALL had these moments, my friend. As a mom of 4 (now grown) kids, I have had many. Believe me, the moments only get worse. Yelling never worked and I think the kids all looked forward to me ‘losing my cool’. Smile, keep calm and know that this too shall pass 🙂

  7. The Domestic Diva says:

    I think we all, as mothers, have those moments more often than we care to admit to ourselves or others. This is a great post and thank you for opening up to share your story. Just know that you are not alone, that many of us have been there before and will more than likely be there again. Motherhood is a bumpy, rocky road with just as many ups as there are downs.

  8. Jessica Peeling says:

    Everyone has times like these – it is so important that you recognize it and that you strive to do better every day!

  9. Jen says:

    I love your new “emotional, intimate posts,” thank you for sharing! We all feel inadequate and down on ourselves and this is a great reminder to just try and do better the next day. There is always tomorrow. Always a new day!

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