Sometimes I have a tendency to get inside my feelings. Surprise, surprise. We all do that, right? (Please tell me I’m not alone and that we all do that). This morning was no exception.
I’d made plans with a friend and was really excited for the opportunity to spend time with her just to have the plans broken, which is really not a big deal. The bigger deal was the aftermath of feelings that I had to process. This kind of thing happens a lot. Why?
I realized that I am an enabler.
We’ve all heard the phrases:
“You get what you put up with.”
“You’re only a doormat if you lie down for it.”
Reality is hard but those statements ring true. I’ve gotten so good at being okay with people disrespecting my time that I’m enabling it to happen to me over and over again.
Yesterday I was on the phone with someone who had asked me a question about my husband’s job. I was in the middle of answering her when I noticed that she was having a side conversation with someone else. That’s okay, sometimes things happen. So I paused and decided I would just wait until she was able to chat again, thinking she would come back on the line and apologize for the distraction.
A good 30 seconds went by before she came back on the line and said, “That’s so cool, Holli.”
That’s. So. Cool.
She hadn’t even been listening to me.
This wasn’t the first time that had happened with this particular person but I’ve always extended grace because I don’t want to come across as rude or make a big deal out of it. But, guys, here’s the thing:
It is a big deal.
It’s a huge deal.
I, you, we deserve better.
I (you) deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
If you make plans with me, give me the courtesy of acknowledging that you’re breaking the plans to do something else.
If you’re not interested in having a conversation with me, then get off the phone.
…because the way these actions make me feel in the aftermath are just horrible and I’m not going to enable the behaviors anymore. Neither should you.
I’ve always considered myself to be somewhat of a peacemaker, not wanting to rock the boat. As a result, I’d become the ‘yes’ girl always doing favors for others or going out of my way to make sure that they were comfortable and happy. All the while sacrificing my own dignity and self respect when the same isn’t returned in kind.
I think there’s a balance to be had here. Doing things for others with no expectation in return I believe is what we should do in life but not at the expense of our own emotional well being. This is something I am going to work on, to stop enabling people to treat me poorly.
It’s time to stand up for myself and to demonstrate that I care enough about me to not put up with it anymore.
I’m ready to put the big girl pants on.