The Problem With The Fixer

With over seven and a half billion individuals co-existing together on this planet right now, chances are you’ve encountered many different personality types in your journey so far. You’ve probably encountered people like me several times throughout your life, and I’m sorry for that. I am a fixer at heart.

My husband tells me that I see things in black and white when there are grey areas all over the place that I’m missing. He accuses me (and he’s not wrong) of ‘lawyering‘ situations to find the truth when there might be different layers of the truth all existing together. He says these things about me because I am a fixer at heart.

I fix. I find things that are broken and I fix them. People, situations, things.

Why?

If I’m being honest with myself with you, I don’t really know. Perhaps it stems from my broken childhood or from my inherent desire to please others, the truth is out there somewhere. I’d probably have to dig a lot deeper to find out exactly why I have a seemingly incessant yearning to fix everything around me but we don’t have time for that today.

But the problem with being the fixer is that I find myself sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong. And I imagine if you’re a fixer, you probably do, too.

Sometimes there are situations in life that are absolutely none of my (your) business and, yet, I (you) make them my (your) business.

That needs to stop. It’s not okay.

I have to put myself in the shoes of the people around me. If I were in this _____________’s shoes – – would I want someone like me prying into my life and offering unsolicited advice and opinions?! How annoying would that be? (Very.)

My seven (almost eight!) year old was losing her ever*loving*mind a week (or so) ago and kept asking me over and over again to explain things to her that I really didn’t have the patience to explain. So I said to her:

“You don’t always have to have the answers.”

Then I stopped and I repeated that back to myself. 

You don’t always have to have the answers. 

As a fixer, I am constantly struggling to find answers. So much so that I risk alienating the people around me that I care about because I am trying to fix the situation and figure it out instead of just simply allowing myself to let it go.

Why do I always try to find the answers for every situation, for every person around me? What purpose does that serve? What does that say about who I am as a person?

I’m going to issue myself (and you, if you need it) a challenge:

Let. It. Go. 

Just let it go. Find something every day to just let go.

I’ll try it. We’ll see how it goes. Stay tuned.

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